The problem with dancing

I had a conversation earlier this week with a friend, who agreed with another friend, who had said to the first friend that I really needed to dance.

What my friends are trying to say to me is that I need the release that dancing represents. Throwing caution to the wind and waving your limbs about is one of the more liberating things it's possible to do. I actually do this more than they realise, but I think they mean I should do it in company.

They have a point. I'm not someone who easily 'lets go' and stops thinking. Of course, professional dancers are thinking a lot as they move, but for the average person dancing is stress-free fun.

Or it should be. I actually love going dancing, but I do it very rarely for two reasons that get in the way of enjoying it.

First of all, the music is so LOUD that it's distorted. It's impossible to have a conversation with any of the other people you're supposed to be having fun with. Come to think of it, the volume in night clubs may provide an explanation for all those appallingly bad pick up lines that haven't died out yet - they work because they're misheard as something good.

This would be bad enough for a normal person, but the fact I have tinnitus means a couple of hours of partying usually translates to several days of reduced hearing. If I'm going to do that, the pay off has to be big.

Which brings me to reason two. The vast majority of the 'music' people apparently expect me to dance to is complete and utter rubbish.

Here's a tip to any budding DJs out there: the mind controls the body (although you wouldn't always know it). If you want to get my body moving, my mind has to like the idea. I like moving to music. One bar of drum machine-dominated noise repeated over and over does not constitute music. If you can manage a four-bar pattern, we may be getting somewhere if I'm in a good mood anyway.

Further to this, for something to be a 'song' there generally has to be several lines that are sung, say, a minimum of 10 words. The only exception to this I've been prepared to allow so far is Elton John's "Song for Guy". Your chances of writing something else good enough to match that are low, especially if you allow for the fact it must also have a catchy beat (I can't dance to "Song for Guy").

I went to a wedding interstate earlier this year where I made a point of praising the DJ because he was able to sense the mood and pick songs that were both popular and decently written. I felt like packing him in my suitcase and bringing him home, like a rare precious jewel.

I look forward to the next day when someone makes me want to dance.